Understand Life Backwards, But Live Forwards

 "Life must be understood backwards. But it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard

We often hear that the past is the past. That we shouldn't live in the past. That the past does not equal the future. These, in part, may all be true statements but it is important to not forget the past. 

Our past helped to shape who we are today, no matter if it was considered 'good', 'bad', or 'indifferent'. Everything about you is a result of your doing or not doing. About your thoughts, your attitudes, your beliefs, your behaviors and your actions. We've all been hurt, we've all been wronged, we've all done wrong. We all wish that we could have done some things differently. We all wish some things could have turned out differently.

Though it is true you cannot go back into the past and change the things we said, or did, or the way that things turned out, but we must learn to understand our past and come to terms with the life we have lived. Only then can we live freely forward. 

We must be 100% responsible for our lives, starting today. I think everyone knows this in their hearts, but often times people convince themselves into thinking that external factors are the source of their failure, disappointment, and unhappiness. External factors do not determine how you live. YOU are in complete control of the quality of your life, by either creating or allowing the circumstances you experience. Either you control your life, or your life controls you. I’ve often said that you are either creating or allowing everything that is happening in your life.

I think if we all take an honest and revealing look at both our past and present we might come to realization of some things. Many of us might see for the first time what "people pleasers" we were, for example, or the extent to which fear ruled our lives. We need to address the past so that we can be healed and open to change. Have you forgiven yourself or others? Have you given yourself, or others a second chance? Have you made changes in your life so that you can produce different outcomes in the future? Don't let the past keep you from moving forward.

Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge your past. It is real. Expose it, don't hide it. Establish a starting point to move forward from. Work to make the right changes to correct it forward.
2. Work to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness deals with the past and is a way to right the wrongs. It doesn't change it, but allows you to move on. 
3. Face the truth. It was what it was, now what are you going to do about it? You have an opportunity to change your outcome starting now. But you have to willing to change your behaviors if you want different outcomes. You need to be willing to take some risks along the way to get what you want, and where you want to be. Take the necessary actions to make long term changes.
4. Stop complaining. Complaining as an act, is a waste of time. Instead evaluate the things that you are complaining about. More than likely you can do something about them. Realize they are not truly about other people, other things, or other events. They are about you. Take control of your attitudes and your responses.
5. Realize the good. Take the time to reflect on these things too. What good and wonderful things are happening in your life now? Your accomplishments are just as important as your missteps. It's good to congratulate yourself on your successes and wins.
6. Pay attention to the details. Looking to others for help and guidance is helpful, but don’t forget to stay tuned in to yourself. Notice your triggers in your behavior, attitude, and life experiences. Identify what’s working and what isn’t. Come up with responses that affect you in a positive way.
7. Take actions to make an immediate change. Are you unhappy about something that is happening right now? Make requests that will make it more desirable to you, or take the steps to change it yourself. Making a change might be uncomfortable for you. It might mean you have to put in more time, money, and effort. It might mean that someone gets upset about it, or makes you feel bad about your decision. It might be difficult to change or leave a situation, but staying put is your choice so why continue to complain? You can either do something about it or not. It is your choice and you have responsibility for your choices.
8. Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities. Believe in your dreams and goals. Have unwavering faith in yourself, for good and bad. Make the decision to accept the fact that you create all your experiences. You will experience successes thanks to you, and you will experience pain, struggle, and strife thanks to you. Accepting this level of responsibility is uniquely empowering. It means you can do, change, and be anything you want. 

When you realize that you, and only you, create your experiences, you’ll realize that you can un-create them and forge new experiences whenever you want. How empowering is that! You must take responsibility for your happiness and your unhappiness, your successes and your failures, your good times and your bad times. 

All too often we choose to claim the successes and blame the failures on others or other circumstances. When you stop blaming, however, you can take that energy and redirect it to focus on shaping a better situation for yourself. Blaming only ties up your energy. Imagine roping all the energy into a positive effort.

If you need just one thing to do different today, than you did yesterday, make it this: You will commit to taking 100% responsibility for every aspect of your life. Decide to make changes, one step at a time. Once you start the process you’ll discover it’s much easier to get what you want by taking control of your thoughts, your visualizations, and your actions! The past ought to be a milestone to help us measure the distance we have come. It shouldn't be a millstone holding back the adventures that are yet to be. Understand your life backwards, and begin to live your life forwards.  Start now.

Make today great!

Curtis

“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.” - Roy T. Bennett