Listening, Is Sometimes The Most Helpful Response You Can Give

 

"To listen well is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well." - Chinese Proverb

Listening is a very powerful tool that we don't often use enough. Our tendency is to want to speak, first. And yes, some people may actually be seeking your advice in a given situation. Heck, they may have actually come to you with a specific question. But, often they actually already know the answer, and are just seeking to confirm their thought process but are afraid of putting themselves out there, and for fear they may be wrong, or look silly.

It is natural for us to want to help others. Sometimes it's not always clear what the best way to go about this is. Especially if the answers or opportunities aren't readily apparent. But the best way to go about this is to ask questions and listen patiently and caringly to others. Our desire to speak and give advice can be a bit vain in nature if you honestly think about it. Some people love to hear themselves talk, and rarely ask the other person questions, and if they do they are quick to bring the focus back to themselves. Our intentions may be good, but sometimes the best advice is to advise yourself to listen first. 

As human beings, we have a universal need and desire to be heard and understood. Sometimes people are actually seeing for a safe place to unload their thoughts and feelings, to vend. Sometimes they just want to know that what they say matters, that they are being heard and acknowledged. 

If we seek to develop our listening skills and put them into action, we can find that being attentive is one of the kindest things we can do for another person. By carefully listening we demonstrate that we are genuinely interested in their problems, needs, concerns and joys.

When you think about it, we benefit more by our willingness to listen. When we're open minded and put ourselves in a position to learn from them. The more attentively we listen to others, the less separated and different we or they are likely to feel.

Here are some tips to allow yourself to fully listen:

Understand the difference between listening and hearing. You might hear what the other person is saying, but truly listening involves not only observing what they are saying, but what they are feeling and truly needing.  

Take a second to reflect on what the other person says. Confirm what you have heard.  You may even say "let me think about this for a second". Even if you think you know the appropriate response to give, it is always smart to reflect. This also confirms to the other person the importance of their question.

Be present and stay focused. Focus in on what they are saying and how they are saying it. Listen first to understand. Don't think about what your response will be. It's obvious to the speaker, when the listener is just thinking about their next comment. 

Ask meaningful questions. Who, what, where, when, why, and how, are always a good foundation to start. It shows you really want to understand the person's needs, not just participate in a conversation.

Truly seek to understand and acknowledge others' feelings. When we get the space and understanding we need, we can usually come to our own answers. And if not, there’s always time to brainstorm for possible solutions. When other people grow, you grow along with them when you listen first. As human beings, our visceral need is to feel held, with words, rather than to always just receive solutions.

Make today great!

Curtis

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.”  Benjamin Disraeli