Facing Fear, Like You Do On Halloween
It's funny how our perception of fear changes when we relate it to Halloween. During the Halloween season we often seek out fearful experiences, on purpose. We heighten our desire to see scary movies, go to haunted houses, decorate our houses eerily, tell spooky stories to our children, and experience things like scary corn mazes. It becomes a tradition for us, our friends, and our families, to make a pastime out of getting scared. We become thrill seekers and are more than willing to go along with the scares that come with celebrating the holiday.
What would normally be terrifying and unsettling actually becomes exciting and fun. We get a kind of nervous adrenaline rush, by participating in everything that accompanies this type of self-induced fear. We get a natural high when we are faced with the spine-tingling, heart pounding experience, and oddly it becomes an enjoyable experience. Often, afterwards, it becomes something truly gratifying to us, as we are given the opportunity to go through this intense fear, survive the experience and see how truly brave we were. There is something empowering about coming out on the other end of fear, even if you did it to yourself on purpose.
But then again it's not just on Halloween we might intentionally do this to ourselves. Think about when we go to the fair, or to amusement parks, and our desire to go on thrill rides, like rollercoasters, for example. Here is another form of self-induced fear we are more than willing to take to experience a similar exciting adrenaline rush. Let’s face it. When it comes to Halloween, fear really can be fun!
There's something to be learned from this. Why is it any different when we relate it to ordinary things that we are fearful of? Fear of public speaking. Fear of taking risks. Fear of failure. Sure, it's not exactly the same, but there are some correlations that can be made. For Halloween or that amusement park experience we think of it as a game, not real, in a controlled environment, or made up simply for our enjoyment. This may be true. But how often have you heard the expression that fear itself is not truly real?
We, ourselves, create the illusion of fear in our minds and in our perceptions of what we imagine may, or may not, happen in a given situation. We place its value on things we don't like doing, based on the unknown outcomes. Also, how often have you maybe 'taken that risk' or 'spoke up in public' and afterward experienced that similar kind of exhilaration from getting through it unscathed? If you honestly think about it, afterward, the outcome produced the same kind of thrill or the same type of self-gratification.
Knowing this correlation should actually help us in facing things we perceive we are afraid of. You've also probably heard the phrase that we should “do one thing every day that scares you.” Why? Because facing our fears and doing scary things actually helps us grow. Amazing things can be accomplished when we actually step outside of our comfort zone.
Fear has its purpose, however. It is important. It helps keep us out of harm's way. It should keep us from taking reckless risks, when true danger is involved. But fear is also one of the things that holds us all back the most. It keeps us from achieving all we can, and often deters us from experiencing the joy of truly living your life. Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” In that, he was explaining that the emotion of fear and our perception of fear, rather than the reality of what we fear, is what causes us anxiety, stress, and unhappiness. The challenge is in determining when to listen to fear, and when to ignore it.
We must not let this form of fear be a bully to us. We can't let it tell us what to do. The more you listen to fear, the more power you give it. When we do, and we obey it, it's then when fear gains its power. However, when you acknowledge what fear tells you but do the opposite to face it head on, you build courage in yourself and take back the power over it. The more you face fear down, the more control you have. Once we understand that, we can systematically expose ourselves to the things that scare us, and in that way, propel ourselves forward.
The philosopher, Aristotle, said “An individual develops courage by doing courageous acts." Instead of being afraid of fear, consider it a friend. It's just trying to keep you safe. But like a true friend it shouldn't hold you back from doing what is necessary, and right, to be able to accomplish everything you want.
Here are some things you can do to help build your courage and face your fears in everyday life:
Don’t worry about things you have no control over. Remove all of the remote possibilities from your mind. Don’t spend your time thinking about all of the bad things that might happen to you. Don’t spend your time plotting and planning ways to make sure these things will never happen. Focus on the positive things that can happen as a result. Courageous people don’t worry about things that are out of their control or things that are unlikely to happen. They concentrate on what they can control.
Set yourself up for the best possible outcomes by facing your fears up front, before you start. Although you don't want to keep all of your focus on the negative, or the worst that can happen. It is okay to be aware of those things, that they could happen. And really, would that really be 'all that bad'? If you are truly honest with yourself and have already gone through contemplating what might happen, you’ve charted your course to ensure that it doesn’t. Why? Because by looking at all of the possibilities, it can allow you to have the inner strength to deal with it if the worst scenario does come about. You are ready for it, you can be prepared for it, and you should be okay with it. Once you face your fear you can move on. Exposure is hands down the most successful way to deal with our phobias, anxieties and everyday fears we might have. By simply repeating this exposure over and over, ideally in a positive way, gradually brings down the physiologic fear response until it is either gone, or more manageable.
Give yourself something to build upon. This may mean, start small and work up to the bigger things. The most effective, scientific approach to eliminating fear is to systematically expose yourself to the thing that scares you, starting small and building tolerance as you work your way up. If you break down any situation into teeny-tiny achievable steps, you may find that it isn't so scary.
Avoid avoidance. Avoidance is the natural human response to fear. But it is not the one that works. Overcoming fear, not the avoidance to fear, is essential to your success. The future belongs to the risk-takers, not the security seekers. Life is perverse in the sense that, the more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve what you desire.
Imagine the alternative of what you can obtain or achieve from facing your fears. See both sides. What will you get as a result of giving in to your fears? What could you get by facing them? What is the cost of being ruled by your fear? What are the benefits from courageously following your ambitions? Carefully weigh the two and see the difference. What could you accomplish? What could you achieve? What would you dare to dream if you weren’t afraid of anything? Once again, it’s your choice. Be fueled by your fears, or face your fears. It all depends on how badly you want something. It all depends on how you choose to live your life; do you always want to be afraid of taking the next step, or do you want to build your courage and open the doors of opportunity? I know what my answer would be. When you develop the habit of courage and unshakeable self-confidence, a whole new world of possibilities opens up for you.
Develop a habit of courage. The habit of courage can be learned just as any other habit is learned, through repetition. We need to constantly face and overcome our fears to build up the kind of courage that will enable us to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life. It will teach us to live our lives unafraid. Be courageous. Face your fears, learn to enjoy what comes from getting over them, by successfully getting through them, like you did on Halloween. Happy Halloween everyone!
Make today great!
Curtis
"Most fears cannot withstand the test of careful scrutiny and analysis. When we expose our fears to the light of thoughtful examination they usually just evaporate." - Jack Canfield
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