Self-Defeating Thoughts

"Much of your self-esteem doesn’t come from what happens to you on a given day or what somebody says, but what you know about yourself on the inside." - Dr. Judy Ho

Self-defeating thoughts are any negative views you hold about yourself and the world around you. Mistaken or faulty beliefs. These views impact your self-esteem, and are the feelings you carry about your personal abilities, and your relationships with others. We sabotage ourselves by allowing self-criticism and low self-worth to hold us back.

When we feel bad about ourselves, we unconsciously do things that support those feelings.  We think we cannot do something so therefore we don't try, or give it our best effort. The result is a poor performance our outcome and lack of progress towards something better. Some of these thoughts and feelings are deeply rooted inside of us. They come from past hurts or failures. In our minds they are sometimes caused by others or may be caused by our own low self-esteem. They fester inside of us and we believe that they cannot be changed. We become fearful and therefore feel powerless.

But none of this is true. These thoughts and feelings can be changed, and they can be changed right now in an instant. With a decision. Decide to fight back against these negative thoughts and feelings. We must learn from what we are feeling, and realize you've had enough. Enough is enough.

What is it you would like to feel? What is it that you want? What is it that you need? Compare that to the reality of what you are feeling right now, and figure a way to close the gap. I'm 'here' and I want to be 'there'. Get crystal clear about your needs and wants. It begins here. You have to know where you want to go in order for you to be able to figure out how to get there. 

Next you must accept your past for what it was: something to learn from, and an important part in who you are right now. Whether it was painful or powerful, good or full of grief, you are a culmination of the thoughts, beliefs, reactions and decisions you allowed, based on the things that happened in your life. They were a choice. You had the power all along. As hard as that may swallow. You must take full responsibility for your life and your choices, your decisions, your actions. No one else. Everyone played their part. Everything happened for a reason or a cause. But this feeling too, can change with a decision. Your past does not equal your future, unless you let it and you live in it. It is up to you. What you believe about yourself you bring about. Change can happen if you believe it. The past is in the past, and that's the way it WAS, up until now. "Up until now", this 3-word phrase is one of the easiest and most effective ways to beat self-doubt. It's over, and change is going to happen.

Next you must learn to let go and forgive. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Release it. Festering hardships, loss, pain isn't changing what happened in the past. You cannot change the past. The person who created it may have forgotten it. It is doing no good to you. Get over it. This may not be easy to do, but necessary. You will never be able to move on in peace without letting go of the past. Remember the good things. Learn from the bad. Make the decision to change your thoughts and your choices and  move yourself in the right direction. Everyone makes mistakes. No one's life is as perfect as it seems. All of us have problems, hardships or something we are dealing with. These things do not define us. If we are able to learn and grow from them, we can allow them to make us better people going forward. 

Remember that we are all different. Like snowflakes on the earth. No two of us are the same. We can be similar in ways, but our thoughts and our reactions, along with our decisions and choices can create a whole different meaning and even different results for each of us. That's what makes us special. You are unique. Be the best you, you can be. It's your job to do so. No one else can fill that role but you.

Feeling positive about ourselves will take effort and consistent focus. It may sound simple, but it will not be easy. It begins with the quality of your personal thoughts. The quality of your thoughts impacts not only how we behave and interact with the world, but how we see ourselves and ultimately what we believe we are capable of. This is why it's so important to identify and work on self-defeating thoughts or deeply held beliefs and ideas that are inherently limiting. We have to begin by recognizing when we are in a negative thought pattern. Awareness is key. We have to be able to identify our own triggers when they are happening.

Here are some ways in which you can begin to change your thoughts:

• Imagine who you would be without any fear and doubt. Who would you be? What could you do? If this wasn't an issue, how would you behave? Act as if this wasn't an issue. How do you feel? Release all of your insecurities and worry. They are unnecessary. The acronym of FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. It feels real, but we create fear in our own minds. Fear comes from our lack of faith in our own ability to create solutions. But you can do it. By taking action. Feel the fear and take action anyways. It works.
• Stop confusing honesty for truth. Yes you might honestly feel a certain way about something. But that doesn't necessarily mean it is the truth. Honesty means expressing exactly what you are experiencing and feeling. Truth is objective. You may honestly feel like you are a failure. The truth is that you may be actually doing very well for yourself, but just may not be where you want to be. There is a difference. Understanding that difference is crucial. Tell yourself a different story. 
• Do good even if you don't feel great. You don't have to feel great to do good things, however the likelihood that you will feel better than you did, because you did some good is very possible. Do good because you can. Even if you don't feel like it. It can work wonders. Be driven by your purpose, your contribution, significance and your long-term goals. Let those things be your guide to pull you through. Take teeny-tiny achievable steps in the right direction. 
• Tweak your thoughts. Replace the thoughts that "I can't do it or won't do it" with "I can and I will". Remember Henry Ford's saying  "If you think you can do a thing ,or think you can't do  a thing, you're right".  Another good one is replacing "I have to" with "I get to". Focus on having the gratitude and blessing in the moment. Be thankful for today and remember that nothing in life is guaranteed. And remember that everything in life happens "for you" not "to you". These small adjustments in what we say to ourselves can make big adjustments on the way we feel about things.
• Be real with yourself and realize that when you feel this way, all you are thinking about is yourself. This is human nature. Nobody thinks about you as much as you do. We analyze and scrutinize everything we do. Give yourself a break. Realize that you are enough as you are right now.
• Go out and prove it to yourself. You can do it. It is one thing to build up your inner strength to give you more confidence and higher self-esteem. But it's another thing to prove it right, and this takes action. You have to go out and prove that you can and will. Go out and get it.

What are you letting stop you from achieving greater success? Today is the day to push it to the side and let nothing stand in the way to your success. Don't give in to self-deceit, self-defeat and self-sabotage. Be honest with yourself, get a clear vision of your goals. Believe in yourself. Make the decision right now to change. Live your life with purpose and on purpose, intentionally. Release the brakes and get moving!  

Start now. Just do it. Make today great!

Curtis

"No more excuses. No more self-sabotage. No more self-pity. No more comparing yourself to others. Time to step up. Take action right now and start living your life with purpose." - Anthon St. Maarten