Understand Life Backwards, Live It Forward

"Life must be understood backwards. But it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard 

We often hear that the past is the past. That we shouldn't live in the past. That the past does not equal the future. These, in part, may all be factual statements, but it is essential to not forget the past.

Our past helped shape who we are today, whether it was considered 'good,' 'bad,' or 'indifferent.' Everything about your life is a result of something you did or didn't do. It is a culmination of your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and actions. 

We've all been hurt, we've all been wronged, we've all done wrong. We all wish that we could have done some things differently. We all wish some things could have turned out differently.

Though it is true, you cannot go back into the past and change what we said or did or how things turned out. We must learn to understand our past and come to terms with the life we have lived. Only then can we live freely forward.

We must be 100% responsible for our lives, starting today. I think everyone knows this in their hearts, but often people convince themselves into thinking that external factors are the source of their failure, disappointment, and unhappiness. External factors do not determine how you live. YOU are in complete control of the quality of your life by either creating or allowing the circumstances you experience. Either you control your life, or your life controls you. I've often said that you are either creating or allowing everything that is happening in your life.

Realize that everything from your past can serve as a lesson. The challenges teach you lessons, make you stronger and wiser moving forward, serve as motivation to push you towards self-improvement, remind you that you are off-course, and help you appreciate the good things in life. The good teaches you to appreciate things more, inspires you to dream and set future goals, serves as motivation to help pull you through, and brings happy thoughts and emotions.

If we all take an honest and revealing look at our past and present, we might realize some things. For the first time, many of us might see what "people pleasers" we were, for example, or the extent to which fear ruled our lives. We need to address the past so that we can be healed and open to change. Have you forgiven yourself or others? Have you given yourself or others a second chance? Have you made changes in your life so that you can produce different outcomes in the future? Don't let the past keep you from moving forward.

Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge your past. It is real. Expose it, don't hide it. Establish a starting point to move forward from. Work to make the right changes to correct it forward.
2. Work on forgiving. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness deals with the past and is a way to right the wrongs. It doesn't change it but allows you to move on. 
3. Face the truth. It was what it was, now what are you going to do about it? You have an opportunity to change your outcome starting now. But you have to be willing to change your behaviors if you want different outcomes. You need to be willing to take some risks along the way to get what you want and where you want to be. Take the necessary actions to make long-term changes.
4. Stop complaining. Complaining is an act; it is a waste of time. Instead, evaluate the things that you are complaining about. More than likely, you can do something about them. Realize they are not indeed about other people, other things, or other events. They are about you. Take control of your attitudes and your responses.
5. Realize the good. Take the time to reflect on these things too. What good and beautiful things are happening in your life now? Your accomplishments are just as crucial as your missteps. It's good to congratulate yourself on your successes and wins.
6. Pay attention to the details. Looking to others for help and guidance is helpful, but don't forget to stay tuned in to yourself. Notice your triggers in your behavior, attitude, and life experiences. Identify what's working and what isn't. Come up with responses that positively affect you.
7. Take actions to make an immediate change. Are you unhappy about something that is happening right now? Make requests that will make it more desirable to you, or take steps to change it yourself. Making a change might be uncomfortable for you. It might mean you have to put in more time, money, and effort. It might mean that someone gets upset about it or makes you feel bad about your decision. It might be challenging to change or leave a situation, but staying put is your choice, so why continue to complain? You can either do something about it or not. It is your choice, and you have responsibility for your choices.
8. Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities. Believe in your dreams and goals. Have unwavering faith in yourself. Make the decision to accept the fact that you create all your experiences. You will experience successes thanks to you, and you will experience pain, struggle, and strife thanks to you. Accepting this level of responsibility is uniquely empowering. It means you can do, change, and be anything you want. 

When you realize that you, and only you, create your experiences, you'll realize that you can un-create them and forge new experiences whenever you want. How empowering is that? You must take responsibility for your happiness and unhappiness, successes and failures, good times and bad times.

Too often, we choose to claim the successes and blame the failures on others or other circumstances. However, when you stop blaming, you can take that energy and redirect it to focus on shaping a better situation for yourself. Blaming only ties up your energy. Imagine roping all the energy into a positive effort.

If you need just one thing to do differently today than you did yesterday, make it this: Commit to taking 100% responsibility for every aspect of your life. Decide to make changes, one step at a time. Once you start the process, you'll discover it's much easier to get what you want by taking control of your thoughts, your visualizations, and your actions! The past ought to be a milestone to help us measure the distance we have come. It shouldn't be a millstone holding back the adventures that are yet to be. Understand your life backward, and begin to live your life forwards. Start now.

Make today great!

Curtis

"The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living." - Roy T. Bennett