Stop Being Cynical

"A cynical young person is almost the saddest sight to see, because it means that he or she has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing." - Maya Angelou

Do you ever catch yourself being cynical in your way of thinking? I know I have. Sometimes without even realizing it at the time, and that's not a good thing. There is always something or someone in our lives that can cause us to have negative thinking.

Maybe there's that one person who always seems to let you down. Perhaps it's the person who always bails out on their commitments at the very last minute. Or the people who seem to not hold up their end or do their share of the work. Maybe you end up thinking you always get the bum end of the deal. That things always fall apart. It's easy to slip into and can be very difficult to get out of if we are not careful.

My tendency is to add humor into my conversations with others, sometimes just to lighten the mood, so we aren't always taking things so seriously all the time. But I have to be careful and catch myself confusing sarcasm with humor. We need to be aware of and realize that sarcasm is the way a cynic responds to everything. It becomes the language that they speak, often mocking human merit. 

We often use cynicism subconsciously to deal with our own low self-esteem and out of fear. Cynicism becomes a defense mechanism we use to protect ourselves and serves as our personal armor to avoid the feeling of being let down. This can easily misguide our way of thinking. We get cynical because we are afraid to believe and want something we may never achieve or obtain. 

We repeatedly let negative feedback play out in our minds, creating a "woe is me" mentality. And we find ourselves constantly asking the question, "Why does this always happen to me?"

Cynics often avoid taking responsibility for their actions, look to place blame elsewhere, and are quick to find fault in others. We judge others to give the impression that we know it all; we know better and are better. But we do this in our own minds to make ourselves feel better. We must remind ourselves that this is a character flaw, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. There are always consequences to cynicism, and it can be harmful not only to others but also to ourselves.

If we are not careful, we can easily slip into a state of cynicism the older we get. As negative things stack up over time, our belief in the goodness of people erodes. It sneaks up on you, and before you know it, we can become spiteful, bitter, envious, hateful, or even hostile. What started out as playful sarcasm can actually lead to a negative, bad attitude and behavior. 

There is a fine line between continually questioning things or asking why out of curiosity; and challenging stuff for no reason to discredit or disbelieve others. One definition of a cynic is someone who is distrustful or incredulous of human goodness and sincerity. Cynicism puts a negative spin on everything.

Being cynical can affect your thoughts, feelings, and emotions both consciously and subconsciously. It's like the old adage of whether we see the cup is half full or half empty. But having a bad attitude about life can have deep-seated roots on your overall well-being, and it does more damage than you realize.

Cynicism and a bad attitude can actually put you in a more significant state of stress. They make everything seem worse than it really is. Although a bit of stress can be good for you, significant amounts of negative pressure can weaken your bodily systems. Setting yourself up for more significant health issues. Or even put you at a greater risk for anxiety or depression.

Having a pessimistic outlook actually makes it more difficult to handle stress positively and proactively. It clouds our judgment and thinking patterns. When we are in this mode, we lose our creativity. We end up feeling stuck, and it impacts our ability to use our imagination. Or sometimes hinder our willingness to take necessary action.

Also, think about the effects cynicism has on those around you. Even if someone finds humor in your cynical, skeptical remarks, it can harm your relationship. Are they doing or saying similar things about you when you aren't around? Or do they assume you say this about them when they aren't present? This creates distrust and flaws in your character and subconsciously leads to distrust within each other. Without trust, we begin to believe that people are always out to get you and do things just to spite you. 

We may even start to put a negative spin on things that should be taken as something positive. Someone who compliments you or says something nice to you and you think they are just being fake to make themselves look good in front of other people. 

The fear and anxiety we have are a part of the process and should prompt us to take action instead of stifling our creativity. Fear informs and guides you, and it shouldn't hold you back from growing and learning. Fear is just an obstacle nudging you to move forward. If we can feel the fear and take action anyway, we can reclaim our power over fear. We tend to get more of what we think, feel, and believe. If we think things are bad and fail, we subconsciously direct our efforts to create their reality.

It's our internal thoughts and beliefs that need to change. What we believe may not always be accurate or the truth. What are the stories we are telling ourselves? What do we believe? We need to understand the impact of our thoughts and beliefs and know that we can change them. 

We can shift our way of thinking and change our perspective on things. Remember that life happens for you instead of happening to you. Believe that everything happens for a reason or a purpose. There is something to gain or learn from every experience in life. What you think about you bring about. 

• Focus on making a positive difference. 
• Focus on giving more than you get. 
• Focus on intentionally finding ways to add value and bring kindness to another person.
• Focus on celebrating the successes and wins of other people.
• Focus on what we can control.
• Focus on comparing ourselves only to ourselves.
• Focus on improvement and progress, not perfection. 

We need to have more faith, trust, and belief. We should approach things from an optimistic perspective. We should expect the best from everyone and everything and give people the benefit of the doubt. Believe there is good in the world, and there is something good every day. We can believe things will work out and expect to win. But also understand that even if things don't always work out the way you want them to, you can control what you think and believe about it and how you respond to it.

We need to know it's ok to have hopes and dreams and goals and remind ourselves that it's not what we get that is the most important thing; it's who we become and everything we learn along the way. 

Make today great!

Curtis

"Cynicism is easy. An optimist is a braver cynic." - Colum McCann