Expectations Of Others

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - Serenity Prayer

We tend to get disappointed when others don't meet our expectations. We thought someone would be someone, do something, or respond a certain way.

But have you ever set unfair expectations on another person? Think about some of these questions:  

Do you ever compare other people to other people?

Have you ever caught yourself thinking or speaking these words to another person, "Why can't you be more like..."

Do you ever get irritated with what other people think, what they say, how they choose to act, or what they decide to do?

If you keep expecting someone else to change to meet our expectations of them, it may be time to take a long hard look in the mirror to understand why.

Sometimes we get overly vested in how others are behaving. In our opinion, we think they should be acting differently. Although it may be fair to desire someone to be a certain way, the truth is this involves another human being. Someone with their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and emotions. Someone who is dealing with their own set of circumstances and situations. To expect someone to change based solely on our expectations of how we would prefer them to be is a bit unfair.

There is an understanding that there will be some give and take in any healthy relationship. But to believe you can control who someone else chooses to be will lead you down the wrong path. People are only good at being themselves. 

Now granted, they may want to change themselves, and you can support them on that. And, someone can choose to change for another person, but it should not be because you made them but because it is what they want to do.

We have virtually no control over other people. We can ask and desire someone to be a certain way, and we can influence them. But in reality, people only change when they want to and when they decide to. It's their choice. The only person we have total control over is ourselves.

Relationships struggle when we hold others to unfair expectations. And the truth is we are setting ourselves up for disappointment in doing so. When we set unreasonable expectations on others, it can lead to resentment, and it will likely have a detrimental effect on the relationship. The only outcome will be stress, anxiety, frustration, resentment, and possibly anger, leading to negative results.

We tend to blame others for our unhappiness based on their behavior and actions. When we do this, it not only becomes apparent to the other person involved, but it is usually noticeable to your friends, family, and others around you. How are you projecting yourself to other people? 

We need to be better at accepting, loving, and appreciating others for who they are. We can care for them and support them as they are and for who they choose to be. We need to stop expecting specific outcomes in their behaviors and actions. The challenge is to be able to let go of the things you cannot control. If you cannot change the situation, you can change your attitude and your response to it. We must do a better job forgiving others and ourselves. Your perceptions and perspective will determine the impact and your feelings and experience from it. You will experience more peace when you stop expecting to be who they aren't.

Conversely, be careful being around people who think they know you better than you know yourself. Some people love to give you their opinion about you. It's easy for us to believe that we may know what's best for someone else in their life. But nothing is further from the truth. 

People are not in this world to live up to our expectations. And you are not in this world to live up to theirs.

Make today great!

Curtis

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are." - Maya Angelou