Judging Others

"People that have trust issues only need to look in the mirror. There they will meet the one person that will betray them the most." - Shannon L. Alder

Whether we intend to do so or not, we all judge other people and situations. It is somewhat normal and can even be helpful to some extent. It's how our brain functions to help make sense of the world around us. This often occurs within the first few minutes of meeting someone. We form an opinion about someone or something based on our thoughts, feelings, and what we deem as evidence.

Initially, when you judge a person, you assess their character to determine if they are safe. This is done subconsciously as your brain takes in information to decide if you are in any immediate danger. This is important to your survival and is instinctual. Once we determine there is no immediate danger, our judgment is often used to compare and contrast. Comparing others helps you determine similarities or differences with the other person.  

Although it isn't necessarily wrong to judge others, most of the time, it's done with the assumption of knowing everything there is to know. We need to realize this can also be problematic and negative. We make judgments on first impressions. Usually, based on very little and superficial information. It is unfair to be quick to judge other based on our own standards, frame of mind, point of reference, or current circumstances. It may be and often is irrelevant.

We never really see the complete picture of what that person has going on and what they are going through. We cannot possibly know all of the struggles and challenges that they are battling. We have no real idea where they come from emotionally or what they've had to endure and overcome to get where they are now. Do other people know everything about you, your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, struggles, and challenges at all times? Of course, they don't. So we can assume that we cannot possibly know this about others. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.

When you approach others with empathic understanding and curiosity, your relationships and emotional well-being will improve. When we show empathy, we focus on the other person from their perspective, not ours. We can show compassion by being empathetic and curious to seek and learn the facts to understand more about the other person. This will increase our ability to authentically connect with others. Empathy will help you focus more on our similarities with others instead of being fixated on the differences. From this, we can form more positive judgments and let go of the negative ones. 

The more curious we are about the other person, the less likely we will be quick to believe our automatic assumptions. Curiosity will help you gain more information before drawing a conclusion. Being curious about what others are going through and their past experiences helps you form your judgments with more compassion and understanding.

Practice mindfulness and be aware of your automatic thoughts because your thoughts are what lead to your judgments. By being mindful and fully present in the moment, you can observe your thoughts without judging them. Being able to recognize your judgmental thoughts enables you to reframe them and view them differently.

Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think. Before we judge other people, we should make sure that we are perfect at it.  It doesn't define who they are; it defines who you are and what you intrinsically think about yourself. It defines who you are.

In the bible, the book of Matthew 7:1,2 reads, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Judgementalism can be one of the most unyielding of our character defects. In reality, we tend to judge in others the very same things we dislike in ourselves. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that being judgmental of another person gives us a feeling of superiority. To make ourselves feel better or fit in, we might put someone else down or judge them harshly. But although this might makes you feel superior, it often causes you to feel worse as it brings out your own insecurities and reinforces negative characteristics. This flaw can increase our fear of being judged and interferes with developing such qualities as tolerance, understanding, and kindness. That's why it's so vital for us to let it go.

We not only need to show others compassion, but we also need to practice self-compassion. The more compassionate and forgiving we are with ourselves, the more likely we will be this way with others. Practicing self-compassion can help you let go of negative judgments and decrease the need to seek outside approval and validation from others. When we are kind and understanding to ourselves, we tend to feel better and have a more positive outlook. We spend less time finding fault in others. When we are kind and caring towards ourselves, this becomes our expectation and view of others.

Make today great!

Curtis

"When we stop judging others and ourselves, our heart begins to open." - Swami Dhyan Giten