Self-Confidence

"I am powerful. I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time." - Anna Freud

Most successful people have incredible levels of self-confidence. The fact is, when you develop an unshakable self-confidence, you gain a kind of clarity that makes you feel unstoppable. Like you can have, do, or be anything you want. And chances are you can.

The problem is that most of us lack self-confidence. A survey done by George Gallup and the Gallup company found that 1 out of every 3 people have low self-esteem. This is brought on by some level of fear, uncertainty or doubt about our own capabilities, abilities or personal traits. Even the most outwardly confident person can find themselves doubting their abilities sometimes. 

I know I struggled with this most of my life. And although I am much stronger and more confident now, I still battle with this on a daily basis in some ways. I had deep seeded fear of failure that I wasn't enough, that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, talented enough, capable enough. 

Don't get me wrong. I have had my share of successes in my life. But I have also had my share of failures. It was the failures that I ended up focusing on for a big portion of my life. I spent most of the time feeling sorry for myself. Having self-doubts which lead to times with really low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. My self-doubt would often hold me back from really achieving all I was capable of. I don't know how many opportunities I missed because of this.  

The truth is that life is not easy, for anyone. Everyone is fighting some sort of battle internally. Everyone has their share of ups and downs, but the more successful tend to have different ways of dealing with issues as they occur. Life is about discovering who we are. Life is about striving to become better than we are, and helping everyone around us to become better too.  The goal is to be inspired, motivated, encouraged and empowered to be the best you can be. Life doesn't happen TO you, it happens FOR you.  

Self-confidence is a mindset. It is a skill that can be learned. You need to learn to have confidence in yourself and your abilities. Self-confidence is understanding that you trust your own judgment and abilities, and that you value yourself and feel worthy, regardless of any imperfections or of what others may believe about you. 

We all want to have more self-confidence. Everyone admires a self-confident person. We may even envy them a little! Self-confident people seem at ease with themselves and their work. They invite trust and inspire confidence in others. These are attractive characteristics. 

But I know first-hand that it's not always easy to be confident in yourself, particularly if you're naturally self-critical, or if other people put you down. But there are steps that you can take to increase and maintain your self-confidence.

First you need to understand it. What is self-confidence and why is it important?  We gain more self-confidence as we build our self-efficacy and self-esteem. Self-efficacy and self-esteem are sometimes used interchangeably with self-confidence, but they are subtly different.

We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others like us) mastering skills and achieving goals. This encourages us to believe that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed. It's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges and to keep going in the face of setbacks.

Self-esteem  is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Also, self-esteem comes in part from the feeling that the people around us approve of us. We may or may not be able to control this, and if we experience a lot of criticism or rejection from other people, our self-esteem can easily suffer unless we support it in other ways.

Self-confident people are generally more positive – they value themselves and trust their own judgment. But they also acknowledge their failures and mistakes and learn from them.

Confident people inspire confidence in others. You can show self-confidence in many ways: in your behavior, your body language, and in what you say and how you say it. Projecting a positive image to others can help you to improve your self-confidence. It's not simply a matter of "faking it." If you project with confidence, others are more likely to respond well, and this positive feedback will help you to believe in yourself.

People with low self-confidence often find it difficult to make a good first impression , whether they're meeting a client, addressing a meeting, or giving a presentation. You may be shy or unsure of yourself, but you can take immediate steps to make yourself appear more confident.

Engaging with people is important, so maintain eye contact while you talk. This shows that you're interested in what they're saying, and that you're taking an active part in the conversation. Don't fidget or look away while the conversation continues, as this can make you appear distracted or anxious.

"Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you." - Zig Ziglar

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. You have the power over your feelings and thoughts, you are in control of your beliefs and actions. Work on building good self-confidence habits.  There's nothing more attractive than confidence, once you see your own beauty, so will everyone else! We often look outside of ourselves for strength and confidence, when in reality it comes from within. It is there all the time. If you continue to look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster.  

Boosting your confidence means developing good habits that will improve your self-esteem, whatever other people think of you. Feeling good about your past achievements, and setting yourself achievable goals for the future, helps you to build and maintain that confidence. Practicing these good habits will help to build your self-confidence. 

Here are five quick tips to help get you started:

1. Visualize success: Before you start, see yourself succeeding. Top athletes use this strategy and you can too. What the brain can conceive and believe, it can achieve. 
2. Build upon your past success: Make a list of your strengths, abilities and past accomplishments. These can be positive trigger references to pull out when you need them most. What skills do you have. What unique abilities? What got you that job or that promotion? What were you recognized for? What brought you joy by achieving? Keep these handy and top of mind.
3. Practice incantations and positive affirmations: Low self-esteem is often created by the negative subconscious thoughts that repeat over in your mind. Consciously counter this with positive affirmations that you ARE enough!
4. Believe in yourself: Feel good about who you are. Who you've been, who you've become, and who you are becoming. Life is a journey, learn to enjoy the trip. Be the best you.
5. Lean into uncomfortable things: Learn to face fears. Take educated risks. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Learn to master challenging tasks. You can do it!

You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are. What others say about you is irrelevant. When you're self-confident, you trust your own judgment and abilities. It means having a strong sense of self-worth and self-belief. Carry yourself with confidence for who you are and all you do. 

Stop comparing yourself to others, be you. Admire your own strengths. Work on telling yourself positive messages about yourself daily and learn to accept compliments from others gracefully. Always look to improve yourself daily in teeny-tiny ways. Look after your physical and mental health. Be too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated. Set goals and take action to make them happen. 

Make today great!

Curtis

"Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her." - Lao Tzu