Master Your Fears

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." - Mark Twain

At work we started a new thing in our daily touch base meetings. It is based around bringing daily inspiration or motivation. To me, it is an incredibly positive tool and seems to be gaining some traction. This past week we have spent some time talking about fear. Which is a great topic, because more often people don’t want to talk about it. We would rather avoid it, ignore it, or pretend it doesn't exist. 

Here's the thing about fears…we all have them. Each person generally has something that they are afraid of. One thing that I have come to realize, is that I have lived my entire life being overshadowed with fears, and has had an impact on the outcomes in many things over the course of my life. It has affected my friendships, my participation in sports and extra-curricular activities, my grades in school, the relationships I've had, the jobs I have had, often holding me back from promotions, to affecting my marriage, and many other things in my lifetime. Often it has held me back from doing things that I know I could do. It has hindered my being willing to stand up, to stand out, or to stand for things that are important to me. Held me back from fighting for the things worth fighting for. To be honest, it is still something I battle with on a daily basis.  Fear of failure; fear of not being good enough; fear of rejection; fear of embarrassment; fear of ridicule. Although I may not always show it externally, it is still something I deal with internally. It is something I continue to work on. It begins with understanding, acknowledging and recognizing that fear exists. Fear itself, is a real thing. We must learn to face them, and to be open to talking about our fears. 

But also in understanding that there are two different types of fear: There are rational fears, and irrational fears. Rational fears are a reaction to real dangers and potentially harmful threats in which we need to protect ourselves and others from. For instance, don't go swimming in shark infested waters, without acknowledging a fear that you could be attacked. That would be silly. Rational fear keeps us from getting dangerously hurt. Those are important, because they keep us safe.

But irrational fears are different, and those are the ones I want to talk about. These are ones that we may indeed create and amplify in our own minds. These can include phobias. This level of fear, or reaction, is often exaggerated and connected to something that in reality is likely to be harmless, or has a low risk of occurring. According to a study, 61% of all people have an irrational fear, and 57% of those people go out of their way to avoid situations where they may be faced with this fear.  More people have them, than not. Only 2% of people who admit they have fears feel like they aren't terribly affected by their fear. About a third, or 34% of them have some sort of physical reaction to facing their fear; such as panic attacks, upset stomach, sweaty palms, or nausea. 

Once again, even with irrational fears, the fear itself is real. But our reasoning to have the fear is often self-created. We make things up in our minds. We jump to conclusions. We focus more on what could or might happen. We create worst case scenarios. I'm not saying that we cannot have fear, or that we cannot be afraid. But we need to recognize whether it is a rational fear, or an irrational fear. 

With all the craziness going on today, in our communities, our country, and the world, it’s clear to see that there is a lot going on, and a lot we don't know, and this ignorance to all the information, creates anxiety and breeds fear. When we have limited information about circumstances, or if we only consistently hear the negative side of the story, our doubts dominate us. This is why I have a hard time watching the news on TV.

The problem with fear is that it feeds upon itself. Fear breeds more fear. And we all know that fear can be destructive to our lives if we let it. Fear holds us back. It doesn't allow us to grow or to create. Our fears can paralyze us, keeping us from taking constructive action or any action at all. But that is why it is so important to talk about it. To study it. To face it. To learn more about it, and more importantly, find out what we can do about it. If we only took the time to learn more, educate ourselves, and understand what we may not know, we would have the courage to change everything. The very act of gathering more and better information about a particular subject increases our courage and confidence in that area. You can see this in the parts of your life where you have no fear at all because you know what you are doing. You feel competent and completely capable of handling whatever happens.

Each time we really stop to face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.  You must face your fears.  And the best way to overcome that is to find out more about what it is you fear.  Find the facts.  Find the details.  Find the positive within.

Dale Carnegie, an American author, had a couple of really great quotes related to fear he said: "You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." And, "If you want to conquer fear, don't sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy."

Remember, everyone is afraid of something. It is normal and natural to be concerned about your physical, emotional, and financial safety and that of the people you care about. One of my favorite acronyms on F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. Seek the truth. Nothing should be feared, it only needs to be better understood. We cannot control everything.  But we can control what we know, what we think, how we let that affect us, how we respond to it, and what we are willing to do about it.  Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. The biggest mistake we can make is living in constant fear that we will make one, for it is within this that we do nothing and let fear win. A courageous person is not a person who is unafraid. A courageous person feels the fear, and takes action anyways.

Make today great!

Curtis

"Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will." - W. Clement Stone