Self-Pity

 

"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality." - John Gardner

 

Life can get rough sometimes. Some hardship is inevitable. But the way we deal with life's inevitable challenges is up to us. We can choose to make the best of tough situations.

 

But what tends to happen more often, is, we indulge in a serious, self-pity party. We must be aware, and cautious, of the consequences and negative cycle that self-pity can bring along with it.  It can drain you of the mental strength you need to be your best. It can get you stuck in an emotional rut, which can be incredibly difficult to pull yourself out of. It can keep you in an unhealthy cycle of unhappiness and misery.

 

Life happens. We have failures, we make mistakes, we regret some of the things we have done in the past, we get heartbroken, we wish things would have turned out differently. When we reflect upon these things, it is normal to feel a sense of sadness. It's okay to feel sad. And, it is actually a necessary part of the healing process. But we need to be careful not to get stuck in that mental state too often, and for too long. 

 

There is a difference between feeling sadness and feeling self-pity. Self-pity goes a step beyond normal healthy sadness. When you begin to feel sorry for yourself, for what happened, for your life, for the circumstances, you begin to exaggerate these things, often bigger than they are, or definitely bigger than they need to be. This way of thinking is self-destructive. Suddenly, sadness turns into a sense of hopelessness and helplessness and creates an unhealthy cycle. Soon you begin to believe that there is no way out; that there is nothing you can do to change things; that any effort you put into trying to change things will be useless. So you choose to do nothing at all. Which often leads to more regret, and sadness.

 

Whether you want to prevent self-pity, or you need to get yourself out of the rut you've already created by feeling sorry for yourself. Here are some simple habits and techniques that have helped me to reduce and overcome this issue in my life, and to stop wasting unnecessary time and energy on it:

 

JUST BREATHE: Adjust your thoughts and calm your mind by focusing on your breathing. Allow yourself to focus only on the air going in and out, and nothing else. Breathe in through your nose and with your belly. Breathe in slowly and evenly and hold it for a few seconds at its peak. Then breath out slowly and evenly through your mouth until all the air has escaped. If you do this for 1-2 minutes, you will find yourself more centered and focused again.

 

TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS TO A WIDER PERSPECTIVE: Are there other people who have it worse than me right now? Are there bigger issues in the world?

 

FOCUS IN ON GRATITUDE: Find reasons to be grateful. Little things that you might often take for granted. For life itself. For the air that we breathe. For our ability to make choices. For the food on our table. For a roof over our heads. For warmth and comfort.

 

FOCUS IN ON THE POSITIVE: Life happens for you, not to you. What are the lessons you can learn from your experience? Will these things matter 5 years from now? Or even 5 weeks from now? 5 days from now? Most often the true answer is that it won't. But you can influence the outcome by approaching it from a more positive, optimistic and constructive way.

 

ALLOW YOURSELF TO REFLECT, AND THEN MOVE ON: Set a time limit for yourself. Accept things for what they are. The past is the past. You cannot change it. What you can change is how different it can be in the future. The decision is yours. You choose the meaning you give it. You choose how you respond to it. You choose what you can do about it going forward. Once you regain focus, release self-pity and sadness and move on.

 

SHIFT YOUR FOCUS TO OTHERS: When you get out of your own head, you get out of your own way. When you focus on helping someone else in need, lending a hand, giving some time, taking time to listen, doing something nice. Not only might you be helping them out of their own pity-party, you'll lose focus on your own.

 

GET UP AND GET MOVING: One way to instantly change your mental state is by changing your physical state. Exercise or just get moving. Run some errands, do some chores. Clean the house. Knock things off your to-do list. Emotion comes from motion. Literally get up from sitting around, or laying around in bed and just start doing something. You will be surprised by your instant results.

 

When you give up feeling sorry for yourself and self-pity you will become mentally stronger. Remind yourself that taking small steps toward a better outcome will start the ball rolling in a positive manner. These small steps will go a long way and change how you feel about yourself today, and every day.

 

Make today great!

 

Curtis

 

"When we pity ourselves all we see is ourselves. When we have problems, all we see are our problems and that's all what we love talking about. We don't see the good things in our lives." - Ann Marie Aguilar